


After Banika

by slightlytookish



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drunken Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23199967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightlytookish/pseuds/slightlytookish
Summary: It's hard to keep your feelings a secret in the face of 190-proof alcohol.
Relationships: Andrew A. "Ack-Ack" Haldane/Edward "Hillbilly" Jones
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43
Collections: Loose Lips Sink Ships Prompt Meme





	After Banika

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LLSS prompt: "Eddie confesses his feelings while roaring drunk. Neither is sure the morning after if it actually happened, or if it should have, or if they should ignore the whole thing."
> 
> I recently read Burgin's book _Islands of the Damned_ and was amused and inspired by his description of the Banika adventure, though I would say this is based more on the characters as we see them in the TV series.

It was only a twenty mile boat ride from Banika to Pavuvu but Eddie had to hang his head over the side twice, convinced he was about to be sick. He wasn't either time, but he felt each rise and fall of the waves like he hadn't in years, not since he was a new boot just coming back to the ship after his first liberty. Come to think of it, he'd been drunk then too. 

At least Andy wasn't there when the boat finally dumped them on the beach closest to K Company's tents. That was one small blessing. Andy was always Andy in Eddie's head; never mind that he hadn't yet dared to say his name aloud, not even after Andy'd told him to call him by his Christian name back in Australia when Eddie's commission had finally gone through. Maybe he would someday, when the thought of it didn't make him feel like he was struggling to get his feet under him on the deck of a listing ship. It was easier to keep calling him the skipper and not have to worry about what else he might say if he got too familiar.

On the beach Eddie dismissed his men, most of them looking as ill and wobbly as he felt, before staggering along the main road until he found Gunny Haney. He eyed Eddie for an uncomfortably long moment and made a show of grumbling to himself, but Gunny was all too willing to dump a pail of water over his head before sending him on his way. It didn't make him feel any better - his head was still throbbing enough to make him dizzy - but Eddie hoped it would make him look a little more presentable when he reported in. The glaring sunlight he could hardly manage to squint through was already drying his hair, at least, and he thought he seemed a little more alert until he realized that he had no idea where his helmet had gone. He hoped Gunny was holding it for him, and that he hadn't left it on Banika. 

The skipper's tent was empty when he finally reached it, so Andy didn't get to see Eddie pitch forward on unsteady legs and drop face-first onto the cot. His pack slid off his shoulder, slumping sideways onto the deck with a thud. Eddie had an idea that he should set it to rights, and that Andy's rack wasn't an appropriate place to wait for his return, but he drifted off before he could force himself to move. 

The sun was still beating hot and bright against the roof of the tent when he cracked his eyes open again. Eddie had no idea how long he'd slept but Andy was there now, crouched beside him with a hand resting lightly on his shoulder, and that was all that mattered. 

"Skipper, I'm back," he said. His voice sounded like gravel, but for some reason it still made Andy smile.

"I can see that," Andy said. He held up a canteen. "How about some water?"

Eddie's stomach still didn't feel right but there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for Andy, and if Andy wanted him to drink water, then he'd drink the ocean dry if he had to. 

"Let's start with this canteen for now," Andy said, sounding amused, and it was only then that Eddie realized he'd said all that aloud. He didn't have time to consider it, not when Andy was helping him to sit up and even held the canteen steady for him long enough for Eddie to take a couple of weak sips.

Andy was considerate enough to wait until Eddie was lying down again - on his side this time, and with Andy's upturned helmet beside him just in case, though Eddie hoped he wouldn't need to use it - before coming to the point. 

"What's this I'm hearing about grapefruit juice?"

Eddie groaned and turned his face into the thin pillow. His stomach didn't appreciate the reminder.

"I thought I heard Burgin mention something about adding 190-proof alcohol to it?"

Eddie tried to shake his head but the movement just made his head ache more. He settled for squeezing his eyes shut.

"He also told a funny little story about how he had to stick your head under a water tank and put you to bed last night."

"Burgie had just as much to drink as I did, how the hell's he able to talk about it," Eddie muttered irritably, but that just made Andy laugh.

That was enough to get Eddie to stop hiding his face in the pillow - well, that and the fact that his stomach had stopped lurching like a Higgins boat that'd got stuck in a reef. 

Andy was still crouched beside him. It didn't seem right that the skipper was sitting on the deck because Eddie had gone and taken it upon himself to steal his rack without permission. Eddie said as much and tried to get up again, but Andy just clapped him on the shoulder and told him to stay put. 

"I sent you to Banika because I hoped you'd enjoy some good chow and a well-deserved rest," he said. "But I've got to say, Lieutenant, you're looking a little worse for the wear right now."

"Sorry, Skip," Eddie mumbled, feeling thoroughly ashamed. He'd been in charge of the detail; he shouldn't have allowed any of them to drink that much, least of all himself, never mind that they'd all been off duty at the time. Off duty on their last night on an island that was the closest thing the PTO had to paradise, with the knowledge that in the morning they'd be on their way back to Pavuvu and the war. Eddie hadn't had the heart to tell the boys to knock it off, but he should've had the sense not to join in. He was an officer now, and Andy'd had a part in his commission and in his transfer to K Company. Anything that Eddie did, for good or ill, would reflect on him and Eddie didn't think he'd be able to stand it if he disgraced Andy somehow.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Andy said. His hand started rubbing slow circles on Eddie's back, like Andy was trying to calm a skittish animal. It was nice, even if it was making it harder for Eddie to keep his eyes open. But Andy was smiling at him fondly and Eddie didn't know what he'd done to deserve it but he didn't want to look away. "I just prefer it when you remember to take care of yourself."

"I'll do better next time," he promised. Andy nodded like he believed him. He was still rubbing Eddie's back, and Eddie was still having a hard time staying awake. He shook his head, fighting the need to rest and the thought of ever having to leave Andy again with the same gesture, and pushed himself up on his elbow to try to stop himself from falling asleep. "Hope there won't be a next time, though."

"What, you wouldn't want to go back to Banika?" Andy said teasingly. "Land of the 190-proof alcohol?" 

"Ain't no fun without you. Wished you were there the whole time, Skip."

"Why, so you could get me drunk too?"

"Sure would be fun to see that," Eddie said, grinning. "But mostly because I reckon I'm in love with you." 

Andy stared back at him, eyes wide, and their faces were so close that it was easy for Eddie to lean over and kiss him. Andy's breath hitched but he still kissed Eddie back, his hand fluttering at Eddie's waist like he didn't know what to do with it before he clutched a handful of his shirt and tugged him closer. Eddie went eagerly, all but melting into the kiss. It dawned on him bit by bit that maybe he shouldn't have said anything to Andy, and certainly shouldn't have kissed him, that these feelings were something he'd been trying to keep to himself for a long while now. But he couldn't remember why it'd seemed so important to keep them a secret from Andy, not when telling him meant he could kiss Andy now, and have Andy kiss him back.

Andy broke the kiss then, breathing hard, though he didn't pull away completely. He rested his forehead against Eddie's, which was nice and lasted long enough that Eddie started feeling drowsy again and thought maybe he'd be able to sleep now, with Andy beside him. He'd almost dozed off again when Andy pulled away and sat back on his heels, finally putting some distance between them.

Eddie murmured questioningly and felt Andy's hand on his shoulder again, clasping it gently. "Why don't you get some sleep now," he said. If his voice sounded a little stranger than usual, his hand on Eddie's shoulder felt just as steady as ever, and Andy didn't let go until Eddie drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When he woke again the tent was cool and dark and Eddie was still curled up on the skipper's cot, clutching Andy's helmet to his chest like a child's doll. He hadn't needed to use it during the night and he didn't need it now; his stomach was settled and the pain in his head had receded to a dull ache. All in all he was feeling better than he suspected he had any right to be, considering what he'd had to drink - at least until he remembered that he'd gone and told Andy that he loved him. And then kissed him, for good measure.

Eddie wished he could go back to sleep. Better yet, he wished he could take the next boat to Banika and never look back. But no, he didn't really want that. Two weeks away from Andy and the rest of the boys had been hard enough and besides, no one had ever had a reason to call him a coward before and he wasn't about to be called one now, no matter what happened next. 

The only light in the tent came from a lantern on the skipper's desk. Eddie watched Andy in the flickering light, his head bent over the stack of paperwork that never seemed to grow any smaller. Too many forms to fill out, too many letters to write to the families of the dead. Eddie should be helping him with all of that, instead of nursing a hangover and making a fool of himself. He knew how much Andy hated being stuck behind a desk, how much he preferred checking up on the men and keeping an eye on company morale to filling out requisition forms and writing reports. 

Not that Andy seemed to be getting much done at the moment. He looked more distracted than usual tonight, if the way he was ceaselessly tapping his pencil against the desk instead of filling out the form in front of him was anything to go by. Well, it wasn't every day that one of your lieutenants declared his love and then kissed you, Eddie thought darkly. That had to be enough to distract a man from his work. What he couldn't understand is why Andy hadn't thrown him out on his ear, or why he'd stuck around.

Well, it was still Andy's tent, so he supposed there wasn't much to be made of that. But... Andy had kissed him back. It was only for a moment, but it'd happened. Eddie touched his lips, imagining he could still feel the way Andy's had felt against them, the scrape of his stubble against his jaw. He'd kissed back, and then he'd pulled away, and Eddie didn't know what to make of that.

He figured now was as good a time as any to try and figure it out. The cot creaked loudly as he shifted his weight to sit up and Andy immediately looked over at him. "Hey, you're awake. How do you feel?"

With his head turned towards Eddie and the light behind him now Eddie couldn't see Andy's face clearly, but he didn't sound angry. He sounded just as he always did - casual, friendly, concerned for one of the men under his care. For a moment Eddie stared at him, wondering if he'd dreamed the whole thing up.

But he knew it wasn't a dream, and Andy was still waiting for an answer. Eddie felt sick to his stomach and knew it had nothing to do with what he'd drank.

"Like hell," he admitted. "What time is it?"

Andy glanced at his watch. "Just about 0400."

That meant Eddie had been out for well over twelve hours. "You get any sleep at all, Skipper?"

"A little," Andy said, which Eddie knew meant _none at all_. "Lots of paperwork here to catch up on."

And his lieutenant had passed out on his rack and Andy wasn't the type of man who'd throw him out, was what he didn't say. He stood and made his way over to the cot but stopped short of sitting beside him, and Eddie felt the weight of that sink in his stomach like a stone. Andy wouldn't have thought twice about sitting with him before Eddie opened his mouth and told him something he hadn't wanted to hear, or before he'd gone and kissed him. 

"Have some water," Andy said, handing over his canteen once again. "You should try to eat something too, see if it'll stay down. I've got a packet of crackers that are probably stale, but maybe they'd be worth a try."

The crackers had gone soft in the humidity but Eddie managed to choke down a couple of them, along with half of the canteen's water. He took his time putting the cap back on, which at least gave him something to focus on instead of his own uncertainty. He couldn't remember ever feeling uncertain around Andy. Sometimes he thought Andy was the only thing he was sure about in the whole goddamn war. 

But Andy was talking to him as easily as if they were going over the schedule for training exercises, or as if he were asking Eddie's opinion on the latest batch of replacements. He was acting like nothing had changed between them when everything had, at least for Eddie. Maybe Andy could ignore it but Eddie couldn't. He'd never been any good at lying, not even to himself. 

The silence stretched between them but he couldn't continue their conversation like this, huddled on a cot and looking and feeling miserable. Not with the way it was likely to go. He handed the canteen back to Andy and stood. "Sir, may I go and make myself presentable?"

During his years of service Eddie'd endured a lot of good-natured ribbing about how much care he always put into his appearance, but at least it meant his reputation had preceded him and Andy didn't so much as blink before nodding for him to go. When Eddie looked back at him from the entrance to the tent Andy was still standing by the cot, holding the canteen and staring into space. 

Eddie wished he could tell what was going on in his head. Not knowing what Andy was thinking right now felt like something had broken between them and Eddie didn't know how to fix it. Usually they didn't even need to speak to know what the other was thinking; a nod or a tilt of a head had always been enough, and often they didn't even need that. Now he felt wrong-footed around Andy in a way he hadn't felt even before he'd gotten to know him. What had begun as an easy working relationship under the strain of combat had quickly translated to an easy friendship outside of it. Had Eddie ruined all of that now?

He ducked through the flap before he had to think of an answer to that and made his way through the dark and deserted camp to his own tent. His tentmate was a replacement second lieutenant who'd arrived straight from OCS a couple days before he left for Banika. He hadn't had a chance to get to know the kid yet, but he was proving to be a heavy sleeper who didn't stir when Eddie lit a lamp to shave. That wouldn't last once they made it into combat, but he was grateful for the privacy now.

Eddie felt better after shaving, and more so after he'd brushed his teeth and changed into a clean uniform. He knew from experience that his hair would be a lost cause until his next shower and no amount of staring into his shaving mirror and trying to flatten his curls would help. He gave it a try anyway, until he finally admitted to himself that he was just stalling and lit a cigarette instead. The motions of putting himself back in order had cleared the way forward in his head, at least. He blew out the lamp and headed back out into the night.

It wasn't until he was right outside the skipper's tent that he considered that Andy might have finally gone to sleep, or that maybe he wouldn't want to see Eddie again for a good long while. But he could still see the faint glow of the lamp through the canvas, so he stubbed out his cigarette and pushed through the flap anyway. 

Inside, Andy had just finished making coffee. He looked at Eddie like he hadn't expected him to come back, even though he'd made enough for two. "Figured we had some time before chow," he said, handing Eddie a cup. 

"You didn't want to sleep, Skip?"

Andy shook his head. "Didn't see much of a point." He eyed Eddie over the top of his mug. "You look more like yourself."

Eddie nodded. Waking up to the memory of what he'd done had sobered him up pretty fast and cleaning himself up had taken care of the rest, but he drained his coffee anyway, hoping it'd clear his head the rest of the way. Silence lapsed between them again, just as uncomfortable as Eddie remembered, and he put his empty cup aside, refusing Andy's offer of more. "I feel like I ought to turn in my bars, sir."

Andy started. "No need for that," he said, setting his cup down. "You're not the first Marine to drink a little too much while on liberty and you won't be the last."

He was giving Eddie a way out. They could both pretend that Eddie hadn't said a thing, that they'd never kissed and nothing at all had changed between them, and maybe if they ignored it then nothing ever would. But Eddie didn't know how he'd ever be able to look Andy in the eye again if they didn't get it all squared away right now. The memory of it would always linger, and Eddie knew he couldn't have that hanging over his head and go into combat again with a clear mind and a clear conscience. He shook his head.

"Wasn't on liberty but thank you for that, sir," he replied, meeting his eyes steadily. Andy looked as calm as he always did and Eddie drew strength from that now just as he did when they were under fire. "What I meant was, I ought to turn in my bars because I did something that I shouldn't have, and that I don't think was very welcome."

Andy flinched, though he managed to smooth his expression so quickly that Eddie might have missed it if he hadn't been watching so closely. "Took me too long to convince you to accept that battlefield commission in the first place for you to give it up now," he said, neatly side-stepping the main point that Eddie was trying to make. 

Eddie found himself nodding dully anyway. It only meant that he was right after all; it hadn't been welcome and never would be, but Andy was just too kind to say it so bluntly. He hadn't realized he'd been holding out hope until just now, and the final loss of it made his chest ache with grief that he didn't think he'd be able to put into words. 

There was only one thing for it, and he made himself look Andy in the eye when he said it. "You ought to transfer me, sir." They probably wouldn't let him go back to his old company, but there were other companies. Other battalions, even. He didn't want to leave Andy or the boys in his platoon, but he'd get by. He always did.

But Andy looked stricken. "Eddie, no." His voice was low and urgent but hearing his name was enough to make Eddie jerk back as if it'd been shouted in his face. Andy usually just called him Hillbilly, like everyone else. Since joining up Eddie hadn't seen or heard his Christian name much, outside of letters from home. 

"Eddie," he said again. It still sounded strange to Eddie's ears. Andy opened his mouth to say something and then shook his head and sighed instead. Eddie'd never seen him look so lost. 

Andy took a step towards him, one arm extended like he was reaching for Eddie, before he stopped short and let his hand drop to his side. "Do you want to leave?"

He looked so unhappy that Eddie had to turn his eyes away. He knew he should say yes, that it would be the best resolution to the whole embarrassing affair. But no matter how he'd humiliated himself, no matter that he'd likely dropped low in Andy's estimation, he still didn't want to leave him. He forced himself to meet Andy's eyes again. "No."

"Then why…" Andy shook his head again. "I can guess why. But Eddie, listen to me. I'm not going to hold you to something that happened while you were drunk."

"Not gonna hold me…" Eddie trailed off. He wasn't sure what Andy was getting at but he knew it couldn't be what he was wishing for. He tried to tell that to his heart, but it started kicking hopefully against his ribs nonetheless. "What do you mean, Skip?"

Andy shrugged. "Men say and do all kinds of things when they've had too much to drink. They don't always remember it later and sometimes they don't want to, because it wasn't something they'd have done if they were themselves." His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "Now, if you still want that transfer I won't stand in your way, but don't think you have to leave on my account. Especially not for something you didn't mean."

"What if," Eddie began. He had to stop to steady himself. "What if I did mean it?"

"The transfer?" Andy said, sounding resigned.

"No, about - well, about loving you," Eddie said. "And it's true enough that I never thought I could tell you, or that I should, but I did mean it. In my heart, I did."

Andy was looking at him like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, and for the second time that morning Eddie wished he'd just kept his mouth shut. 

"I thought - well, I thought it sounded like you didn't mean it, or that you regretted it," he said eventually. Eddie never thought he'd hear Andy sound so uncertain. "You really… Eddie, a few minutes ago you were ready to turn in your bars because of it."

"Only because I thought it wasn't welcome," he admitted. 

Andy was still watching him guardedly, but now he looked less like he couldn't believe it and more like Eddie had handed him a brightly wrapped gift that he wasn't sure he was allowed to open, or even if it was really meant for him. It was dawning on him slowly perhaps, but whatever he saw on Eddie's face made him nod and seem to come to a decision.

"Suppose it was," he said, reaching for Eddie's hand. "Suppose it still is. Does that mean we get to try that kiss again?"

He was smiling at Eddie now, and it was brighter than the sun had looked on that first morning on the ship after they'd left the rain behind on New Britain. It was the kind of smile that made it impossible not to grin back. "Okay, Andy." 

He didn't know if it was the promise of another kiss that had Andy looking so pleased and surprised, or if it was because Eddie had finally called him by his Christian name, but Andy didn't give him any time to figure it out before he tugged him close and kissed him. Eddie's whole world narrowed until he was only aware of the sensation of Andy's lips against his own and the feeling of Andy's strong arms around him. He could feel his heartbeat thudding in his ears as they deepened the kiss. Kissing Andy was better than he remembered, it was more than he'd ever allowed himself to hope for, and Eddie didn't want it to end.

But when it finally did Andy smiled at him, a sweet, fond smile he'd given Eddie so many times before. Only now he could see the love in it too, so plain that he didn't know how he could've missed it before. Maybe Andy hadn't let him see it, just as Eddie had tried to hide his feelings from him, or maybe Eddie just hadn't recognized it for what it was. He did now, and it made his heart soar with a kind of joy he'd never felt before, and hadn't ever thought possible. 

"I'm so glad I sent you to Banika," Andy said, still holding him close.

"Me too, Andy." And then Eddie leaned in for another kiss.


End file.
